Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Is Drew Brees God? Which Falcon Player Do You Hate The Most?

Let me start by answering the latter question first.

Is it Matt Ryan?

Sure he's ugly as sin but hey so are most folk east of the Georgia line.

Is it THE Tony Gonzalez?

He of the trumped up self agrandized opinion whence he says his name in the starting Atlanta O players on TV?

Nah he's OK, he at least is good, played most of his career at the worst team in League history and deserves some grudging recognition.

Is it thunder thighs Turner himself?

Nah, he's just damn annoyingly efficient but I don't hate him.

Nah for me, hands down, the guy I wouldn't give a nickel to if his pants were on fire and he needed a cup of waters worth to douse those flames...

Yeah you guessed it

Roddy 'Am I stupid or is it just my face' White.

Preening, prancer, useless sack of sh*t, plum. A man so pointless I'm amazed I even remember his name. Oh yeah but then he is also that guy who bad mouths, at every opportunity, the divine perfection that is the Saints. Here's a guy in fact that if you were standing next to him in a firing squad you would cry so stupid is he as he continued to bad mouth the guys holding the guns.

"ready, aim"

"yeah you still a"


Drew Brees Perfection

This coming monday night is not only a chance to make Roddy White cry unbelievable floods of tears and spend the off season looking up brains on the interent but also a chance to watch Drew Brees remorselessly, brilliantly, perfectionately (is that an ately word?) sail into the record books as clearly the greatest quarterback that ever lived surpassing even Joe 'man I hated you as a kid cause you were so goog against us' Montana. In fact Brees probably has the chance to sail into the greatest man who ever lived period record books such is his brilliance, work ethic and ability to be a bloody good bloke.

So I take it at this time to declare that from this Sunday forward every sunday from now on will be declared hail Drew Brees day, our Quarterback, our saviour, defender of ecstasy and defender of the realm of our Parish.

Drew you are quite simply THE GREATEST QB who ever played the game and I thank you for making this old fossil at least happy again despite the crappy times we live in. You are a shining light of work ethic, dignity and morality and I salute you for being a class apart.

Should you not make the Marino record for any reason know at least that you have helped people be happy every sunday for the past few years which is more than I can say ever happened for most of the previous 30.

One man, one Legend.

Now Roddy White go read up on what it is to be a man you toad.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Top 5 Predictable Things TV Analysts Say About The Saints

It's primetime TV and the nation is tuning in to watch a game from the Super Dome (I'm not calling it that sponsored thing ever). The analysts are on the mic and having just read up on the Saints they are all set to trot out a set of boringly predictable dross to try and clue up a nation. Here we yawn go:

1. Analyst says: That pass broken up by Tracy Porter who you may remember intercepted Manning to seal the deal for the Saints at the Super Bowl in '09...

What they really mean - I don't pay enough attention to the Saints to know whether he's done anything of any significance in the meantime. He's the one wearing number 22 right?

2. Analyst says: The Saints ground game has been outstanding this year with all three backs, Thomas, Sproles and Ingram, sharing the load on a rotating basis. Of course Reggie Bush left for Miami in the off season.

What they really mean - We have to find a way to shoe horn Reggie Bush's name into it somehow if just for the fair weather fans who know diddly squat about the other names I just read out.

3. Analyst says: And up front are the two best guards in the league Nicks and Hicks. Everything starts with them up front.

What they really mean - I haven't got a clue if they still are the best because I pay so little attention to what most guards are doing so let's just assume they are I mean who's going to know otherwise so long as we keep saying they are.

4. Analyst says: Sproles is probably the best free agent acquisition this past off season. Can you think of anyone else that even comes close?

What they really mean - I can't remember last night let alone the off season, someone help me out here.

5. Analyst says: Is there a louder crowd in the league? You walk around this town at night and it is always lively.

What they really mean - I'm amazed I got home last night with my pants still on given how loaded I was. My I do love these weekends away from home.

And now for the top 5 things they're unlikely to ever say

1. Brees really needs to do some more stretching.

2. The Saints are yet to blitz in this half.

3. Patrick Robinson does not start every play 10 yards off his receiver. It's just something he does'nt do.

4. Sedrick Ellis in with the tackle, one of the leagues premier DT's there and one of the biggest steals in recent draft memory.

5. Man I hate this crowd. A bunch of whining spoilt brats everyone of them. They need to learn humility and grace like the fans in Atlanta always display.

Peace be upon you Who Dat nation and all who sail on you.